Let’s talk about Jealousy…

Jealousy.. we all feel it, we all know about it, and we all feel ashamed to talk about it. Why? Because we’ve been taught that it’s something to hide, to pretend we don’t feel it, to put on a ‘brave’ face, meanwhile the jealousy grows and grows in the shadows and wreaks havoc on our emotional body and our self esteem. So, let’s talk about it.

What is jealousy? It is an emotion. It is something that triggers unpleasant sensations in the body and is often accompanied by thoughts and beliefs of not being enough. It usually arises in relationships, when our partner or someone we are interested in, seems to take interest in another person. We can also feel it in friendships. When a friend is achieving something we are not, or they exude beauty that we do not feel we have.

What to do about it? Feel it. Acknowledge it. Hold space for it. Dance with it. Transmute it into something to admire and take inspiration from. Let it tell you how beautiful and worthy you actually are. Sounds simple, yet it is one of the hardest emotions to sit with. And one of the loudest voices of ‘not enoughness’ that we contend with. The truth is that whatever we see in someone else and we feel is lacking in us, actually also exists within us and perhaps has not been revealed as yet. We only resonate with that which we see in others and that which exists within ourselves. So if we perceive another woman having a lot of confidence and grace about her and we feel jealous of that, it is a message that we can have that too. Maybe not in the way that she is exuding it, but in our own way. If we see someone else as interesting in their hobbies and pursuits, we can have that too. There is something interesting about every woman. Something unique that she brings to the party. Her own essence, her own personality, her own interests. All of it matters and has a purpose, but the only missing ingredient is her belief in the value of what she brings to others and to the world.

We need other people as mirrors. We cannot see ourselves and we are often battling lots of negative talking inside our minds. Others can see us far more clearly. So, next time someone offers you a reflection of you, or a compliment, whether it be deep or surface level, see if you can sit with it, allow it in, know that how you perceive yourself may in fact differ with how you are perceived. Know that you can have that too - that confidence, self assuredness, beauty, radiance, intelligence, whatever it may be you admire. It is in you too, otherwise you wouldn’t resonate with it. Be curious to who you are, to how you express yourself, to how your uniqueness matters. Allow others to tell you how they perceive and receive you and your goodness. And, you never have to be perfect to be worthy and admirable to others.

So, how will you use jealousy to your advantage next time it pops up?

This is something I love to explore in the therapy space and help women to move from jealousy to admiration and inspiration to be their own best version of who they are.