Is it an abandonment ‘issue’ that needs fixing?

Or is it an abandonment wound that needs tender care?

Humans are relational beings. There is no such thing as humanity in isolation. Health significantly declines when humans remain isolated and separated from one another. So at what point did abandonment wounding become a pathology that needed fixing? It is normal for humans to feel abandonment when a loved one, a protector, a nurturing energy suddenly leaves. It is normal to have quite a visceral response to neglect, in childhood and beyond. This is our nervous system alerting us to the fact that we cannot survive and thrive for long in isolation. So let’s start seeing abandonment wounding and pain as a normal part of humanness. It is not something to be fixed. It is not an ailment. Rather, it requires a degree of holding, creating space, validating and nurturing until that part of us feels seen, heard and cared for.

One of my favourite practices to do is to recognise and name the abandonment pain, locate it in my body, and cry as I tenderly hold and rub my womb gently while letting myself know that my feelings are valid, I am not alone, I am held, it will pass. No analysis, no fixing, no bypassing. Just being with what is and trusting that with enough care, it will pass. It always does.